I know I am terrible at keeping up with these. I’m trying to have some sort of set schedule where I post once every ten days or something like that. I like it where I give a little spiel about something that has worked for ME (I realize it may not be for everyone) and then delve into some stories. This may sound strange, but hear me out - I’ve become a complete narcissist and sociopath when it comes to the INITIAL meeting with girls. This is especially true when it comes to approaching strangers. When it involves friends of friends, I tone it down, just a little though. Let me explain: Now that I can look back it retrospectively, one of my big problems was that I CONSTANTLY would analyze and harp on “What did I do wrong?” Did I ask her the wrong question? Was my outfit horrible? Did I come off too needy? After an unsuccessful interaction with a young lady, and there were oh so many, I would pretty much replay every instance of the meeting in my mind and try and see where it went wrong. “Oh, I should’ve never said that” “She must of got turned off when I did that” “I knew I sounded like a weirdo when blah blah blah”. This is possibly the worst thing I could of done. Now my theory is, Fuck You. You don’t like my off color jokes? Fuck you. I’m not pretty enough for you? Eat shit, my mother thinks I’m handsome. You wish I drove a BMW? I wish you had bigger tits. This is the mentality I’ve had while approaching a lot of women and it has worked countless times. The power of indifference is astonishing. One of my go to’s is if I am talking to a group of girls (by the way this sucks, but you just have to get good at spreading attention, pretty girls don’t go to bars by themselves) first, I make it very evident, Yes I am hitting on you. Make no mistake, I want to do sexy time to you. This whole play it cool is amateur hour, women respond to someone who sees what they want and go for it. Granted if you’re a gorgeous man beast, you can do whatever the fuck you want, but for us others you have to rely on everything else in your arsenal. So back to the "go to", sometimes the girl that I’m interested in is starting to have her eyes wander, not good. Yes, she is scanning the bar for a more appropriate suitor. So a rookie, aka me sans a few months ago, would of picked up on this and gracefully try to see his way out of the conversation without spilling a drink over. But now, I look forward to this shit. Granted if she is being a straight bitch, I will just destroy her right there, but if it is just general, pleasant “I am not into you” then this is what I do. I turn to her friend and say “Oh no! She doesn’t like me! My life is fucking over! Random hot girl at the bar doesn’t like me! (Always drop the “hot” this subtle compliment is important I think.) So at this point 99.9% of the time her friends are hysterically laughing at the scene I am making. And then I kick it up a notch, I grab the nearest dude and say something along the lines of “Here, he is much prettier, take him. Ooo nice shirt dude, this is soft.” I always compliment the dude by saying how good looking he is and then top it off with something about his outfit. This works in multiple ways, this shows that I am not intimidated by other bro dogs, and am essentially handing her off to him. Now this dude is one of your best advocates. He automatically likes you, I mean c'mon, I just shoved him into a conversation with a hot girl. “Take care of her, I know she looks heartless and cold, but that’s just her tough exterior. (Now to her friend) I have to go now and find my own Cinderella. I know, such a romantic, but in a city of 8 million there has to be one!” Walk off and hit on the next chick I see, preferably within her sight. Let me breakdown this little interaction. First, everything that comes out of my mouth is drenched in sarcasm. Yes, if you don’t know it yet, ladies love men that are playful and don’t take themselves seriously. The fact that I am LITERALLY throwing another dude at her shows that, “Yah, you’re cute and all, but here dude, you take her, I’m finding something better.” The whole Cinderella romantic bit, just works well, and I am saying that to her friend, who once again, 99% of the time is laughing so hard she is about to pee herself. Then top it off with the 8 million people, to make it evident - Yes sweetheart, you are one of many, and there are literally hundreds of thousands of other beautiful girls in this city.
But Matt, you just threw another dude at her and now he is going to take it down? False. Almost every time, the dude has no idea what the fuck just happened and is so out of game mode, he’ll fumble almost immediately. Not only that, you will undeniably be the topic of conversation for the next two minutes “Oh my God, who was that guy?” “That was ridiculous!” “I can’t believe that just happened.” These are all good things. So when this scenario has played out four things have happened. One, the next girl I hit on goes awesome and the initial girl has become an afterthought. Two, her friend that I was looking to confide in will make her way over to me and I will hook up with her, this happens a lot. Three, if I’m not feeling the other chick, or vice versa, I’ll walk by the initial girl (walking to the bathroom or make a call outside) and say to her“The one that got away.” She is now interested after my antics and we hook up. Or four, which has only happened once, the bro dog picked up the ball and ran with it and proceeded to over the pants finger bang her at the bar for the next 20 minutes. But believe it or not, I loved it when that happened. I’ve been hooking up more buddies with girls than I have been concentrating on myself. My roommates have been “swimming in my wake” as I like to joke to them, and I’ve been hooking up my friends with my girls friends on the regular. This is actually a pretty compromising position, though. One of my friends is in a straight relationship with one of them now and its sort of awkward because I don’t talk the initial girl anymore. Whatever, collateral damage.
I say I am a sociopath in the sense I am incapable of feeling remorse, convinced I am always right, and I don’t learn from experience. I go in with the attitude that I am doing everything awesome, and if it doesn’t go well, there is clearly something wrong with her. Since, I did everything right, this broad is broken, and I just have to move onto the next girl who hopefully has her shit together. Obvioulsy, this is tongue-in-cheek, but this state of mind has served me soo much better than, “What did I do wrong?”. Keep in mind this attitude should only be used when first interacting with a girl. Once you’ve gotten past the "initial", I think self reflection and correcting your personal flaws are monumentally important and healthy.
So, a lot has happened since I posted last. First, thing is that I’ve thinned the herd considerably, which was not fun. Some girls, as expected, acted like it was no big deal, while others acted like I ripped their heart out of their chest and shoved it in their face. KALIIIMAAA KALIIMAAAA. If you don’t get that reference, stop reading because we are not friends. I think it’ll be fun, as well as therapeutic, to go through my phone and give a quick rundown of every girl and the corresponding texts from the previous posts:
This was the "worlds end text." Disney, oh my first. Disney was very sweet, wide eyed, completely un-jaded, and one of the nicest people I’ve met, hence, Disney. She also LOVED Jesus. Like wow really loved him, Pepperdine grad and all. I’ve been an atheist now for about 11 years, so this was just not going to work out. Just as I wouldn’t want her to push it on me, I didn’t want to marginalize her faith, so I told her exactly that. I use to be an aggressive atheist (I feel like every ex-Catholic-now atheist is) and have these belligerent arguments with my religious friends. “Really? You really believe that when you die you are going to kick it in heaven with Jesus for ETERNITY? What was God doing for the billions of years before humans, sitting with his thumb up his ass? Have you ever looked through a telescope?” I’ve read pretty much everything by Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, and Dawkins, that I would dissect their argument point by point trying to prove how “right” I was. I’ve stopped this antagonizing and have come to realize that faith or non faith is such a personal thing, it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, and pushing either on anyone is just wrong. I digress, but yah, this just wasn’t going to work out. We went out a lot and hooked up a lot, PG-13 of course because no deflower before the marriage hour. We still talk and I hope to keep her in my life because she is just that nice.
Next was Lawyer, (the falling down stairs text) so when she got back from her trip to Europe we met up again for drinks. It was pleasant, made out a bunch, and had a good night, but neither of us texted the other after. C’est la vie.
Next up, is one of the greatest nights that has happened. This is 100% true. I went to a clients bar with my roommate, his then girlfriend (British) and her friend (British two). We were there because they were having this crazy deal where if you bought two beers, you got a pound and a half lobster. Amazing. So I got there early to grab a table. Of course, there was someone sitting at every table, shit. There were two really cute girls though sitting and chatting at a table made for six. I explained to them my predicament of having 3 friends join me and if we could all sit at the table. They hesitantly agree, I can’t blame them - here is this rando dude being like “Uh, hey let me sit here”. I actually build really great rapport with both of them and we became fast friends. They both had boyfriends, dagger, but one of the boyfriends is actually an executive chef at a restaurant in my territory and I now sell them a ton of beer. Anyways, the other girl at the table did drop a line of, “Why couldn’t I of met you when I was single?” Or something like that, score. And just a precursor, I have yet to hook up with a girl that has a boyfriend/husband/fiancé (minus last night, but she didn't tell me, until after she was done sucking my face and I won't have anything to do with her again). Not only is this just asking for so much terrible to come barging into your life, I’ve come to the conclusion that cheating on someone is one of the worst things you can do to another human. (I use to constantly hook up with girls that had boyfriends because it was typically easy prey and beggars - me - could not be choosers). Anyways, my friends get there and British two is digging me. We are talking close, talking a lot, and a lot of touching, flirting, etc. Even though she was cute, she was super fucking British. Over the music, I understood every fourth word. It was also clear that she was uber blue blood and was accustomed to a lifestyle I couldn’t come close to being able to provide. So as the night went on, I distanced myself from her and it played out nicely where she started to “chat up another bloke”. There was no server, so every time you had to go up to the bar to order. I hit on a cute brunette with her friend, she responds incredibly well. I talk to her for a bit, get her number, walk her out, get a kiss goodbye, and I head back into the bar. Nice. I sit down at the table, and about 15 minutes goes by and in walks in a total smoke show. In a dress that was so tight, and so awesome, that I was sort of stunned. She makes her way to the bar, and grabs a seat. This was in the beginning of my pursuits of women, so I think I waited for a bit before going up and talking to her. As to be expected some dude was talking to her, but I could feel how weak the game was, and he was just constantly talking about himself. I weasel my way into the conversation (I don’t remember at all what I said, probably something involving beer, as it was a hard core craft beer bar). Coming off multiple positive experiences with girls that night, my game is pretty tight and she is now turning all her attention to me. The dude becomes despondent and walks off. I say something like “I think your boyfriend is mad at me.” “He’s not my boyfriend.” I knew it wasn’t her boyfriend. We continue talking. She’s head cosmetologist at a major salon uptown. So as you can imagine, she was gross to look at, riiight. She lived around the corner, and was meeting her friend. Her friend turns out to be her roommate, who is also the brewery rep for Flying Dog, which in my opinion, is a bullshit brewery that makes mediocre beer and would have no distribution if it wasn’t for their suggestive marketing i.e. Doggie Style Pale Ale, In Heat Wheat, Pearl Necklace Oyster Stout. Anyways, I didn’t like this dude off the bat, and he was giving me shit about how shitty my company was and how shitty my beers were blah blah blah. So I end up getting Cosmetologist number, (she is the "good wing man" text) a little bar make out, and we both head our separate ways. Fast forward a little, she gets incredibly clingy, so I have to break it off. It was AMAZING though, walking out one Saturday morning to grab a water and having Flying Dog boy sitting on the couch and giving him a “Whats up.” Yes, it’s 8am and I am walking out of your roommates room. Suck a dick. The initial brunette, we went out a couple times, find out she was 36, didn’t look a day over 28, it was pretty unbelievable. Between that, and me pulling the rookie mistake of getting up one time to go to the bathroom, leaving my phone on the table, and coming back to a phone with 4 different girls texts, and a frowny her - yah, we didn’t really talk after that.
Later that same night, I was hammered, like really hammered, and I picked up this girl outside of 2 Bros Pizza which is a shit hole $1 slice place haha. I literally just stared her down and not much else. Then I walked her to the 13th Step which is a a pure frat bar where everyone is looking to hook up, it reminds of Dewey in the summer. We made out a little, she wanted me to come inside, but I went home instead. We texted a little after that, but found out she was 21, lived in Bay Ridge (not close) and was still in college. Felt like a creeper. Regardless, that night was fucking awesome.
Then there was Vegan, that is the Candle 79 text. As you might of guessed she was vegan, so this was doomed from the start. I met her at a beer tasting I was hosting. She’s one of the most attractive of the bunch. Her body was so freakin on point and her face reminded me of Audrey Hepburn, a stretch I know, but it did. She was a quarter Japanese so she had this mild exotic look to her as well. She was really into craft beer which is such a plus. We talked a lot, she was with her gay roommate that was such a debby downer the whole time. She left before I got her number, so the next day I went to her work (which I was super hesitant to do, but she later told me it was a turn on that I pursued her) got her number and made a dinner date at the one vegan restaurant in my territory. I have a great relationship with the owner and she hooked us up with this awesome private table that looked out onto 3rd Ave. This is the first and last time I will do dinner as a first date. It wasn’t bad, it actually went well, but dinner is a lot of pressure for a first date. So much conversation, girls feel weird eating in front of you, and it lasts forever. Not only that dinner is fucking expensive. In the city an appetizer, two entrees, dessert and a bottle a wine will be at minimum $100 more likely $150, fuuuck that shit. Now I only meet them for drinks, preferably happy hour, and in my territory if I can swing it aka free drinks. Yes, still broke, but working on it. This is also very non threatening for them, and as casual as it can get. We just made out once and a little more, boobs, wiener. So her veganism was the first strike, smoker, second, and she lived on 116th, third (I live on St.Marks which is essentially 8th street).
Next is Partner, the text talking about beer ordering. She was probably the most attractive out of any of them. She is a managing partner at one of lounges in my territory. I opened her account sold her a shit ton of beer, sweet, and she pursued me pretty hard after this. We went out like 5 times, hooked up at her palace of an apartment (73rd & 5th Ave which looks out on Central Park, fucking nuts) and she insisted on paying for everything, which was A OK. She came from a lot of money and essentially just bought shares in a prestigious restaurant group and ran their operations Monday through Friday. This was also a learning experience, first and last time I will mix business with pleasure. She had these insanse mood swings, like ridiculous, too hard to keep up with. I broke it off and she went from carrying four draft lines and six bottle placements to one draft and two bottles, sucks, but whatever, won’t do that again.
Next is Laser, the texts where she calls me a beer salesman, and I tell her I prefer Libation Liaison. I met her at Swift Bar for a buddies birthday. She had some engineer job where she worked with lasers all day, or at least that's how I remember it. She was really, really smart and I feel like I was very non threatening to her haha. We went out a handful of times, she was a big fan of dry humping, sort of weird and yah, broke it off with her, she took it well, we’ll text every now and then.
Next is Inn, the text that talks about Ear Inn being our first date. I scratched the Ear Inn idea (its such an old man bar with terrible clientele) and took her to the one nanobrewery in the city, 508. Since we had already made out it was on from the start. I was that dude everyone hates, straight making out hardcore and grinding at the bar. I had just come from a beer event and was pretty tipsy so I really didn’t give a fuck. Some bro was hating, “Get a room!” I responded “Fuck you” he got in my face. She freaked out and was coming in between us, I wasn’t trying to fight the dude, I’m an adult, I was just laughing. He didn’t take this well and was begging me to come outside. I was just like “Dude, I’m trying to fuck her, not you.” This ding dong just would not get out of my face. I’m still trying to figure out why the hell I did this - but for whatever reason I kissed him on the lips. I think I did it to emasculate him? Am I gay now? This sent him into a blind rage, he grabbed me ready to tear my head off. The bartender freaked out jumped over the bar and split us up. I was then dragged out of the bar by Inn, and the last thing I heard was him pleading to the bartender, “THAT DUDE FUCKING KISSED ME!!” Haha. I apologized to her for saying that I was trying to fuck her, she responded with something like “I hope you’re trying”. Which was pretty sweet.
There’s a few others, but I’m tired of typing, maybe next post. I’m currently only dating four (none described above) two I really dig, one I just can’t let go, she just has too many qualities, and another I just met the other night. Four is much more manageable. Till next time, hugs and kisses...gay kisses.
But Matt, you just threw another dude at her and now he is going to take it down? False. Almost every time, the dude has no idea what the fuck just happened and is so out of game mode, he’ll fumble almost immediately. Not only that, you will undeniably be the topic of conversation for the next two minutes “Oh my God, who was that guy?” “That was ridiculous!” “I can’t believe that just happened.” These are all good things. So when this scenario has played out four things have happened. One, the next girl I hit on goes awesome and the initial girl has become an afterthought. Two, her friend that I was looking to confide in will make her way over to me and I will hook up with her, this happens a lot. Three, if I’m not feeling the other chick, or vice versa, I’ll walk by the initial girl (walking to the bathroom or make a call outside) and say to her“The one that got away.” She is now interested after my antics and we hook up. Or four, which has only happened once, the bro dog picked up the ball and ran with it and proceeded to over the pants finger bang her at the bar for the next 20 minutes. But believe it or not, I loved it when that happened. I’ve been hooking up more buddies with girls than I have been concentrating on myself. My roommates have been “swimming in my wake” as I like to joke to them, and I’ve been hooking up my friends with my girls friends on the regular. This is actually a pretty compromising position, though. One of my friends is in a straight relationship with one of them now and its sort of awkward because I don’t talk the initial girl anymore. Whatever, collateral damage.
I say I am a sociopath in the sense I am incapable of feeling remorse, convinced I am always right, and I don’t learn from experience. I go in with the attitude that I am doing everything awesome, and if it doesn’t go well, there is clearly something wrong with her. Since, I did everything right, this broad is broken, and I just have to move onto the next girl who hopefully has her shit together. Obvioulsy, this is tongue-in-cheek, but this state of mind has served me soo much better than, “What did I do wrong?”. Keep in mind this attitude should only be used when first interacting with a girl. Once you’ve gotten past the "initial", I think self reflection and correcting your personal flaws are monumentally important and healthy.
So, a lot has happened since I posted last. First, thing is that I’ve thinned the herd considerably, which was not fun. Some girls, as expected, acted like it was no big deal, while others acted like I ripped their heart out of their chest and shoved it in their face. KALIIIMAAA KALIIMAAAA. If you don’t get that reference, stop reading because we are not friends. I think it’ll be fun, as well as therapeutic, to go through my phone and give a quick rundown of every girl and the corresponding texts from the previous posts:
This was the "worlds end text." Disney, oh my first. Disney was very sweet, wide eyed, completely un-jaded, and one of the nicest people I’ve met, hence, Disney. She also LOVED Jesus. Like wow really loved him, Pepperdine grad and all. I’ve been an atheist now for about 11 years, so this was just not going to work out. Just as I wouldn’t want her to push it on me, I didn’t want to marginalize her faith, so I told her exactly that. I use to be an aggressive atheist (I feel like every ex-Catholic-now atheist is) and have these belligerent arguments with my religious friends. “Really? You really believe that when you die you are going to kick it in heaven with Jesus for ETERNITY? What was God doing for the billions of years before humans, sitting with his thumb up his ass? Have you ever looked through a telescope?” I’ve read pretty much everything by Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, and Dawkins, that I would dissect their argument point by point trying to prove how “right” I was. I’ve stopped this antagonizing and have come to realize that faith or non faith is such a personal thing, it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, and pushing either on anyone is just wrong. I digress, but yah, this just wasn’t going to work out. We went out a lot and hooked up a lot, PG-13 of course because no deflower before the marriage hour. We still talk and I hope to keep her in my life because she is just that nice.
Next was Lawyer, (the falling down stairs text) so when she got back from her trip to Europe we met up again for drinks. It was pleasant, made out a bunch, and had a good night, but neither of us texted the other after. C’est la vie.
Next up, is one of the greatest nights that has happened. This is 100% true. I went to a clients bar with my roommate, his then girlfriend (British) and her friend (British two). We were there because they were having this crazy deal where if you bought two beers, you got a pound and a half lobster. Amazing. So I got there early to grab a table. Of course, there was someone sitting at every table, shit. There were two really cute girls though sitting and chatting at a table made for six. I explained to them my predicament of having 3 friends join me and if we could all sit at the table. They hesitantly agree, I can’t blame them - here is this rando dude being like “Uh, hey let me sit here”. I actually build really great rapport with both of them and we became fast friends. They both had boyfriends, dagger, but one of the boyfriends is actually an executive chef at a restaurant in my territory and I now sell them a ton of beer. Anyways, the other girl at the table did drop a line of, “Why couldn’t I of met you when I was single?” Or something like that, score. And just a precursor, I have yet to hook up with a girl that has a boyfriend/husband/fiancé (minus last night, but she didn't tell me, until after she was done sucking my face and I won't have anything to do with her again). Not only is this just asking for so much terrible to come barging into your life, I’ve come to the conclusion that cheating on someone is one of the worst things you can do to another human. (I use to constantly hook up with girls that had boyfriends because it was typically easy prey and beggars - me - could not be choosers). Anyways, my friends get there and British two is digging me. We are talking close, talking a lot, and a lot of touching, flirting, etc. Even though she was cute, she was super fucking British. Over the music, I understood every fourth word. It was also clear that she was uber blue blood and was accustomed to a lifestyle I couldn’t come close to being able to provide. So as the night went on, I distanced myself from her and it played out nicely where she started to “chat up another bloke”. There was no server, so every time you had to go up to the bar to order. I hit on a cute brunette with her friend, she responds incredibly well. I talk to her for a bit, get her number, walk her out, get a kiss goodbye, and I head back into the bar. Nice. I sit down at the table, and about 15 minutes goes by and in walks in a total smoke show. In a dress that was so tight, and so awesome, that I was sort of stunned. She makes her way to the bar, and grabs a seat. This was in the beginning of my pursuits of women, so I think I waited for a bit before going up and talking to her. As to be expected some dude was talking to her, but I could feel how weak the game was, and he was just constantly talking about himself. I weasel my way into the conversation (I don’t remember at all what I said, probably something involving beer, as it was a hard core craft beer bar). Coming off multiple positive experiences with girls that night, my game is pretty tight and she is now turning all her attention to me. The dude becomes despondent and walks off. I say something like “I think your boyfriend is mad at me.” “He’s not my boyfriend.” I knew it wasn’t her boyfriend. We continue talking. She’s head cosmetologist at a major salon uptown. So as you can imagine, she was gross to look at, riiight. She lived around the corner, and was meeting her friend. Her friend turns out to be her roommate, who is also the brewery rep for Flying Dog, which in my opinion, is a bullshit brewery that makes mediocre beer and would have no distribution if it wasn’t for their suggestive marketing i.e. Doggie Style Pale Ale, In Heat Wheat, Pearl Necklace Oyster Stout. Anyways, I didn’t like this dude off the bat, and he was giving me shit about how shitty my company was and how shitty my beers were blah blah blah. So I end up getting Cosmetologist number, (she is the "good wing man" text) a little bar make out, and we both head our separate ways. Fast forward a little, she gets incredibly clingy, so I have to break it off. It was AMAZING though, walking out one Saturday morning to grab a water and having Flying Dog boy sitting on the couch and giving him a “Whats up.” Yes, it’s 8am and I am walking out of your roommates room. Suck a dick. The initial brunette, we went out a couple times, find out she was 36, didn’t look a day over 28, it was pretty unbelievable. Between that, and me pulling the rookie mistake of getting up one time to go to the bathroom, leaving my phone on the table, and coming back to a phone with 4 different girls texts, and a frowny her - yah, we didn’t really talk after that.
Later that same night, I was hammered, like really hammered, and I picked up this girl outside of 2 Bros Pizza which is a shit hole $1 slice place haha. I literally just stared her down and not much else. Then I walked her to the 13th Step which is a a pure frat bar where everyone is looking to hook up, it reminds of Dewey in the summer. We made out a little, she wanted me to come inside, but I went home instead. We texted a little after that, but found out she was 21, lived in Bay Ridge (not close) and was still in college. Felt like a creeper. Regardless, that night was fucking awesome.
Then there was Vegan, that is the Candle 79 text. As you might of guessed she was vegan, so this was doomed from the start. I met her at a beer tasting I was hosting. She’s one of the most attractive of the bunch. Her body was so freakin on point and her face reminded me of Audrey Hepburn, a stretch I know, but it did. She was a quarter Japanese so she had this mild exotic look to her as well. She was really into craft beer which is such a plus. We talked a lot, she was with her gay roommate that was such a debby downer the whole time. She left before I got her number, so the next day I went to her work (which I was super hesitant to do, but she later told me it was a turn on that I pursued her) got her number and made a dinner date at the one vegan restaurant in my territory. I have a great relationship with the owner and she hooked us up with this awesome private table that looked out onto 3rd Ave. This is the first and last time I will do dinner as a first date. It wasn’t bad, it actually went well, but dinner is a lot of pressure for a first date. So much conversation, girls feel weird eating in front of you, and it lasts forever. Not only that dinner is fucking expensive. In the city an appetizer, two entrees, dessert and a bottle a wine will be at minimum $100 more likely $150, fuuuck that shit. Now I only meet them for drinks, preferably happy hour, and in my territory if I can swing it aka free drinks. Yes, still broke, but working on it. This is also very non threatening for them, and as casual as it can get. We just made out once and a little more, boobs, wiener. So her veganism was the first strike, smoker, second, and she lived on 116th, third (I live on St.Marks which is essentially 8th street).
Next is Partner, the text talking about beer ordering. She was probably the most attractive out of any of them. She is a managing partner at one of lounges in my territory. I opened her account sold her a shit ton of beer, sweet, and she pursued me pretty hard after this. We went out like 5 times, hooked up at her palace of an apartment (73rd & 5th Ave which looks out on Central Park, fucking nuts) and she insisted on paying for everything, which was A OK. She came from a lot of money and essentially just bought shares in a prestigious restaurant group and ran their operations Monday through Friday. This was also a learning experience, first and last time I will mix business with pleasure. She had these insanse mood swings, like ridiculous, too hard to keep up with. I broke it off and she went from carrying four draft lines and six bottle placements to one draft and two bottles, sucks, but whatever, won’t do that again.
Next is Laser, the texts where she calls me a beer salesman, and I tell her I prefer Libation Liaison. I met her at Swift Bar for a buddies birthday. She had some engineer job where she worked with lasers all day, or at least that's how I remember it. She was really, really smart and I feel like I was very non threatening to her haha. We went out a handful of times, she was a big fan of dry humping, sort of weird and yah, broke it off with her, she took it well, we’ll text every now and then.
Next is Inn, the text that talks about Ear Inn being our first date. I scratched the Ear Inn idea (its such an old man bar with terrible clientele) and took her to the one nanobrewery in the city, 508. Since we had already made out it was on from the start. I was that dude everyone hates, straight making out hardcore and grinding at the bar. I had just come from a beer event and was pretty tipsy so I really didn’t give a fuck. Some bro was hating, “Get a room!” I responded “Fuck you” he got in my face. She freaked out and was coming in between us, I wasn’t trying to fight the dude, I’m an adult, I was just laughing. He didn’t take this well and was begging me to come outside. I was just like “Dude, I’m trying to fuck her, not you.” This ding dong just would not get out of my face. I’m still trying to figure out why the hell I did this - but for whatever reason I kissed him on the lips. I think I did it to emasculate him? Am I gay now? This sent him into a blind rage, he grabbed me ready to tear my head off. The bartender freaked out jumped over the bar and split us up. I was then dragged out of the bar by Inn, and the last thing I heard was him pleading to the bartender, “THAT DUDE FUCKING KISSED ME!!” Haha. I apologized to her for saying that I was trying to fuck her, she responded with something like “I hope you’re trying”. Which was pretty sweet.
There’s a few others, but I’m tired of typing, maybe next post. I’m currently only dating four (none described above) two I really dig, one I just can’t let go, she just has too many qualities, and another I just met the other night. Four is much more manageable. Till next time, hugs and kisses...gay kisses.