Stop Crapping Out Kids
It has occurred to me that 90% of the worlds problems can be attributed to people crapping out too many kids. Pollution, crime, disease, education, you name it, all the results of being terrible at pulling out. Not only are people crapping out too many, people are being commended for their efforts. “Shit head Sam and Susie home slut crapped out their fifth kid, let’s throw them a shower!.” When we really should be like, “What?! Another one?! Let’s go shower them with bullets”. Really, you selfish dick? You needed more? If you just kept it to one or maybe two we could all be driving Hummers with the A/C full blast and have polar bears as pets. And this is the way we should feel about the people that can actually handle the socioeconomic burden, the ones who can’t, well, are just the fucking worst. The same process that is used for adoption should be instituted for normal births. When a couple wants to adopt they have to go through a rigorous process showing that they are responsible, financially stable, mentally healthy, and contributing members of society. But with natural birth, any gap toothed retard with potent sperm who can pop a boner and shove it into a willing piece of trash is somehow qualified to raise a child towards a successful life? The logical stance should be, “Oh, you’re only 16?” Scramble its brains. “You only make $7.75 an hour?” Scramble its brains. “You dvr Swamp People?” Scramble its brains. Instead, every little shit head is a gift from Jesus and it would be the worst thing in the world to hit delete on something the size of a pinto bean. Screw the republicans for bitching about paying for birth control, it should be mandated. “Aw Katie, you just had your first period? How special! Now take this pill everyday until menopause.”
Some ultra form of social Darwinism has to take over where only the best and brightest are able to have kids. Where couples go in front of councils to exhibit their mental agility and alpha intellect. Then broadcast on live television, they would have to compete in Hunger Games to prove they are of superior gene make up thus their seed will grow to preeminence. Results? No more absentee fathers and child drowning mothers. And well for the kids, the notion of a slacker would be a distant memory of the past because only roughly 100,000 kids a year would be born, and just as you don’t see many Stanford graduates on welfare, the same would be for those kids. All of a sudden the lines at McDonalds wouldn't be so long with Rascal-bound women barking for more packets of ranch. No more hicks starting meth fueled blowouts on their front lawns. “Jon and Kate plus Eight” would be replaced by “Jon and Kate He Came on her Face”, which is a show I would watch.
It has occurred to me that 90% of the worlds problems can be attributed to people crapping out too many kids. Pollution, crime, disease, education, you name it, all the results of being terrible at pulling out. Not only are people crapping out too many, people are being commended for their efforts. “Shit head Sam and Susie home slut crapped out their fifth kid, let’s throw them a shower!.” When we really should be like, “What?! Another one?! Let’s go shower them with bullets”. Really, you selfish dick? You needed more? If you just kept it to one or maybe two we could all be driving Hummers with the A/C full blast and have polar bears as pets. And this is the way we should feel about the people that can actually handle the socioeconomic burden, the ones who can’t, well, are just the fucking worst. The same process that is used for adoption should be instituted for normal births. When a couple wants to adopt they have to go through a rigorous process showing that they are responsible, financially stable, mentally healthy, and contributing members of society. But with natural birth, any gap toothed retard with potent sperm who can pop a boner and shove it into a willing piece of trash is somehow qualified to raise a child towards a successful life? The logical stance should be, “Oh, you’re only 16?” Scramble its brains. “You only make $7.75 an hour?” Scramble its brains. “You dvr Swamp People?” Scramble its brains. Instead, every little shit head is a gift from Jesus and it would be the worst thing in the world to hit delete on something the size of a pinto bean. Screw the republicans for bitching about paying for birth control, it should be mandated. “Aw Katie, you just had your first period? How special! Now take this pill everyday until menopause.”
Some ultra form of social Darwinism has to take over where only the best and brightest are able to have kids. Where couples go in front of councils to exhibit their mental agility and alpha intellect. Then broadcast on live television, they would have to compete in Hunger Games to prove they are of superior gene make up thus their seed will grow to preeminence. Results? No more absentee fathers and child drowning mothers. And well for the kids, the notion of a slacker would be a distant memory of the past because only roughly 100,000 kids a year would be born, and just as you don’t see many Stanford graduates on welfare, the same would be for those kids. All of a sudden the lines at McDonalds wouldn't be so long with Rascal-bound women barking for more packets of ranch. No more hicks starting meth fueled blowouts on their front lawns. “Jon and Kate plus Eight” would be replaced by “Jon and Kate He Came on her Face”, which is a show I would watch.