It's been too long since I’ve posted and I want to post more, but these things take a good amount to type and I’ve had next to no free time. I’ll get into the no free time in a bit. First I want to start with how I got to this place where from never even considering going up to and talking to the most mediocre girl in the bar, to where I physically have to stop myself from going up and talking to the best looking girl in the bar. It is second nature now, I don’t think twice. I don’t hesitate, I don’t wait to try and hopefully catch her looking my way, I don’t wait to order a drink, none of it. I walk into the bar with the biggest smile and the energy of “I know I am the most fun guy in this bar”, take five seconds to survey the patrons, find the best looking one and go start a conversation with her. If you haven’t gotten my point yet, lines are soo fucking weak. “Hi” and a smile is all you will ever need. But I am getting off topic - how did I get here from being such a chump (now that I can look back on it, god damn, I was such a pussy ass chump) to being very successful with these women (not bragging at all it is literally just the truth.)
First, can’t say it enough, the eye contact thing is so important/money. Once I got comfortable with that, I stepped it up a notch, and did the following: Talk to every single person. Everyone. Dudes, girls, 97 year old women, whoever I talked to everyone. I talked to them about anything. “Can you believe this weather?” “That dude on the subway was crazy.” “I hate Tom Brady, whata pretty boy bitch.” Then I figured out something that should of been clear as day, but wasn’t. Being nice and friendly and paying someone a genuine compliment is truly a profound thing. I would now go up to girls - fat, ugly, gorgeous, skinny, whatever, just girls, and say something nice. “I really like that jacket.” “Blue looks great on you.” “Look at you in those heels” “Wow, you have beautiful green eyes.” I would find something genuine that was appealing to me and comment on it. This is so easy and it is literally a no fail situation. I repeat, it is a no fail situation. What is she going to say to you? Fuck you, this skirt is ugly. There is no response that can be overtly negative. At worst, you get a girl that is just sooooo fucking above you and soooo fucking cool that she will roll her eyes and give a half hearted “Uh thanks”. And that is totally the girl you want to be around and spend time with, right? Or wait, she is a dumb fucking cunt that has had such a weird fucking life that a stranger paying her a compliment triggers her giving a bitchy negative response. And that happens probably 1 out of every 50 girls I’ve talked to . You don’t even have to be interested in them, you can still make their day. I don’t know about you, but I can remember every single compliment a stranger has ever given me. And I’m a fucking dude. Girls REALLY love that shit - you REALLY make their day. I can almost guarantee you they will go and tell their coworkers, roommates, mother, whoever they run into after that exchange and tell them what happened. When I first started doing it, I would pay my genuine compliment and then kind of scurry off, which must of looked hysterical ha. “Nice shoes, bye!” The third time I did it, I tried to scurry off and the girl stopped me and started a legitimate conversation with ME. As I continued to do it I found that, the more beautiful the girls are, surprisingly, the nicer they are. I was kind of baffled by this. But then it started to make sense. Chances are if they are pretty, they have had a lot of positive instances in their lives, which then has led to them being more secure, which brought the realization that the nicer you are the better it is for you and everyone else. I have also found the more beautiful they are the more likely they are to get physical with you, but we’ll delve into that in another post.
So my life has been exponentially better since I started this little reimagining of myself. But like with anything there are pros and cons, and this hasn’t been all cupcakes and rainbows. The shitty things though are so foreign to me that I still can’t completely understand it. First, it is not easy. Not easy at all. I am an idiot and have been greedy which just begs the negative. I am now up to texting/dating something like 13 girls, and have “bar made out” with what has to be over 25. Once again, not bragging at all, if anything this is pretty shameful. If you want to see how not bragging I am, read the first part of my first post, I am no born stud. I’m REALLY hoping this is just because this is all so new and exciting and I will calm myself down. But I just can’t help myself, I have to hit on every good looking girl I see. There is also this really weird thing that has started to happen. This is going to sound a little masochistic, but I’ve had so much success, that I look forward to the SUPER CUNTY girls that will aggressively shoot me down, and then have them follow up with saying some really mean shit. Haha. It has become this weird game. If I get a wiff of bitchiness I do everything in my power exacerbate it. I get this strange pleasure in coming in contact with such UGLY women. Not ugly in a physical sense, but just an ugly human. I have destroyed girls. Like I’ve gone dark. Most of the time they don’t stand a chance. I have a better vocabulary, am more articulate, and can think on my feet faster than you so I am going to make you REALLY regret being a bitch. It just blows my mind that someone can instantly be like “Ugh this guys is too ugly so I am going to be a slut face, and show how much better I am, and how unworthy he is to try and talk to me.” I have zero problems with girls not being attracted to me. I totally get it, for one reason or another I am not doing it for her, we’ll have our friendly 2 minute conversation, I’ll pick up on that she’s not feeling it and we’ll go on with our lives. That has happened too many times to count and is completely fine. I just can’t stand mean people.
Some other negatives: I have unitentionally been pretty cavalier with girls feelings. I didn’t realize that a date and a make out solidified an exclusive relationship. I’ve had to “break up” with three girls because I could tell they were really starting to get into it and I was not on that level. With all three they acted like we’d been dating for years and I dropped this bombshell on them. Pretty strange really, but I’m coming to the conclusion this is just how a lot of girls are when it comes to dating. I am doing my best not to string anyone along, but the positive feeling of an attractive girl really liking you is sometimes too difficult to put a stop to. Another negative is that I am going out pretty much every single night of the week. Even though I am not getting drunk every night, I typically have a couple of beers (especially when I am in my territory). This is never a good thing and I am now trying to find a good balance. I’ve done the whole soda with lime thing which sucks. In case you were wondering how to make a girl really self conscious and uncomfortable on a date, don’t have a drink when she does. With all my time being taken up, I don’t get to work on my little side projects, hobbies, writing etc.
Another negative is that I am afraid that I won’t be able to stop. I had a date last night with who I told my close friends was “dream girl”. I also told them if things worked out with her I was going to cut all the bullshit and concentrate solely on her. She’s really fucking pretty, blonde, fun, smart, all the rest. I invited her to a company happy hour and we really connected, laughed a lot and it was all fun and well. It was clear that she was really digging me and I was digging her which is always a good thing. The happy hour ended at 8 and she had her first day at a new job today so she wanted to get back and get a good night sleep. A quick kiss good bye and she was off. Which left me at the bar, alone, with a beer reps tab still open. What do I do within 30 seconds of her leaving? Order a beer and approach three girls. Game was real tight and had my pick of all three. The most attractive one grabbed my phone and programmed her number into it. I got a text from another girl I am hanging out with saying she was out in the Upper East, she happened to be at one of my best clients, so I told the girl at the bar that I would talk to her later and that we would go out soon. She said she wanted to walk me out which actually was code for I am going to attack your face with my lips. But in a good way. That happened for a couple minutes then I headed up to the Upper East, within 5 minutes of leaving the bar the girl that I just met texted me, solidifying that yes we were going out on a date. I'm the green.
First, can’t say it enough, the eye contact thing is so important/money. Once I got comfortable with that, I stepped it up a notch, and did the following: Talk to every single person. Everyone. Dudes, girls, 97 year old women, whoever I talked to everyone. I talked to them about anything. “Can you believe this weather?” “That dude on the subway was crazy.” “I hate Tom Brady, whata pretty boy bitch.” Then I figured out something that should of been clear as day, but wasn’t. Being nice and friendly and paying someone a genuine compliment is truly a profound thing. I would now go up to girls - fat, ugly, gorgeous, skinny, whatever, just girls, and say something nice. “I really like that jacket.” “Blue looks great on you.” “Look at you in those heels” “Wow, you have beautiful green eyes.” I would find something genuine that was appealing to me and comment on it. This is so easy and it is literally a no fail situation. I repeat, it is a no fail situation. What is she going to say to you? Fuck you, this skirt is ugly. There is no response that can be overtly negative. At worst, you get a girl that is just sooooo fucking above you and soooo fucking cool that she will roll her eyes and give a half hearted “Uh thanks”. And that is totally the girl you want to be around and spend time with, right? Or wait, she is a dumb fucking cunt that has had such a weird fucking life that a stranger paying her a compliment triggers her giving a bitchy negative response. And that happens probably 1 out of every 50 girls I’ve talked to . You don’t even have to be interested in them, you can still make their day. I don’t know about you, but I can remember every single compliment a stranger has ever given me. And I’m a fucking dude. Girls REALLY love that shit - you REALLY make their day. I can almost guarantee you they will go and tell their coworkers, roommates, mother, whoever they run into after that exchange and tell them what happened. When I first started doing it, I would pay my genuine compliment and then kind of scurry off, which must of looked hysterical ha. “Nice shoes, bye!” The third time I did it, I tried to scurry off and the girl stopped me and started a legitimate conversation with ME. As I continued to do it I found that, the more beautiful the girls are, surprisingly, the nicer they are. I was kind of baffled by this. But then it started to make sense. Chances are if they are pretty, they have had a lot of positive instances in their lives, which then has led to them being more secure, which brought the realization that the nicer you are the better it is for you and everyone else. I have also found the more beautiful they are the more likely they are to get physical with you, but we’ll delve into that in another post.
So my life has been exponentially better since I started this little reimagining of myself. But like with anything there are pros and cons, and this hasn’t been all cupcakes and rainbows. The shitty things though are so foreign to me that I still can’t completely understand it. First, it is not easy. Not easy at all. I am an idiot and have been greedy which just begs the negative. I am now up to texting/dating something like 13 girls, and have “bar made out” with what has to be over 25. Once again, not bragging at all, if anything this is pretty shameful. If you want to see how not bragging I am, read the first part of my first post, I am no born stud. I’m REALLY hoping this is just because this is all so new and exciting and I will calm myself down. But I just can’t help myself, I have to hit on every good looking girl I see. There is also this really weird thing that has started to happen. This is going to sound a little masochistic, but I’ve had so much success, that I look forward to the SUPER CUNTY girls that will aggressively shoot me down, and then have them follow up with saying some really mean shit. Haha. It has become this weird game. If I get a wiff of bitchiness I do everything in my power exacerbate it. I get this strange pleasure in coming in contact with such UGLY women. Not ugly in a physical sense, but just an ugly human. I have destroyed girls. Like I’ve gone dark. Most of the time they don’t stand a chance. I have a better vocabulary, am more articulate, and can think on my feet faster than you so I am going to make you REALLY regret being a bitch. It just blows my mind that someone can instantly be like “Ugh this guys is too ugly so I am going to be a slut face, and show how much better I am, and how unworthy he is to try and talk to me.” I have zero problems with girls not being attracted to me. I totally get it, for one reason or another I am not doing it for her, we’ll have our friendly 2 minute conversation, I’ll pick up on that she’s not feeling it and we’ll go on with our lives. That has happened too many times to count and is completely fine. I just can’t stand mean people.
Some other negatives: I have unitentionally been pretty cavalier with girls feelings. I didn’t realize that a date and a make out solidified an exclusive relationship. I’ve had to “break up” with three girls because I could tell they were really starting to get into it and I was not on that level. With all three they acted like we’d been dating for years and I dropped this bombshell on them. Pretty strange really, but I’m coming to the conclusion this is just how a lot of girls are when it comes to dating. I am doing my best not to string anyone along, but the positive feeling of an attractive girl really liking you is sometimes too difficult to put a stop to. Another negative is that I am going out pretty much every single night of the week. Even though I am not getting drunk every night, I typically have a couple of beers (especially when I am in my territory). This is never a good thing and I am now trying to find a good balance. I’ve done the whole soda with lime thing which sucks. In case you were wondering how to make a girl really self conscious and uncomfortable on a date, don’t have a drink when she does. With all my time being taken up, I don’t get to work on my little side projects, hobbies, writing etc.
Another negative is that I am afraid that I won’t be able to stop. I had a date last night with who I told my close friends was “dream girl”. I also told them if things worked out with her I was going to cut all the bullshit and concentrate solely on her. She’s really fucking pretty, blonde, fun, smart, all the rest. I invited her to a company happy hour and we really connected, laughed a lot and it was all fun and well. It was clear that she was really digging me and I was digging her which is always a good thing. The happy hour ended at 8 and she had her first day at a new job today so she wanted to get back and get a good night sleep. A quick kiss good bye and she was off. Which left me at the bar, alone, with a beer reps tab still open. What do I do within 30 seconds of her leaving? Order a beer and approach three girls. Game was real tight and had my pick of all three. The most attractive one grabbed my phone and programmed her number into it. I got a text from another girl I am hanging out with saying she was out in the Upper East, she happened to be at one of my best clients, so I told the girl at the bar that I would talk to her later and that we would go out soon. She said she wanted to walk me out which actually was code for I am going to attack your face with my lips. But in a good way. That happened for a couple minutes then I headed up to the Upper East, within 5 minutes of leaving the bar the girl that I just met texted me, solidifying that yes we were going out on a date. I'm the green.
Earlier we were talking about which were the oldest bars in NYC (Bridge Cafe, Ear Inn, McSorely's, PJ Clarkes) and which one is the best date place, hence that text. I got to the Upper East met CBS (we’ll call her CBS because she works for CBS) danced, partied and hooked up with her throughout the night till around 1 before we called it quits. She was essentially begging me to come back to her place, I said I had to get to work early this morning and blah blah blah. Never in my life did I think I would make an excuse NOT to go home with a girl. I get home and my roommate is chilling on the couch. He’s been aware of my current pursuits and cannot believe the change. A little background on my roommate. He is one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met. He is ridiculously insightful and really has a firm grasp of what is going on around him. He works full time while getting his MBA at NYU (wtf). He’s incredibly responsible, good natured, and does pretty fuckin well with the ladies. So needless to say I take his advice to heart. I was telling him about how I was kinda worried that I’ve unlocked Pandoras box and there’s no going back. That I was afraid that it was going to be next to impossible to settle down with one girl, and that I really almost cannot help myself. I just had a date with a girl that I was looking forward to for a week and a half (she took a vacay in between her jobs) it went as well as a date can, and yet I still end up making out with two other girls that night. He took it all in and just looked at me and said “The T Rex doesn’t want to be fed. The T rex wants to hunt.” No words rung truer than those at that moment. Haha fucking Jurassic Park, go figure. So basically I am really going to try and calm myself down, like take an active role in it I guess. But I feel sort of addicted to it.
So fuck all these success stories, lets get a crash and burn. When I first started my gig, like within the first two days, I walked into the Fitzpatrick Hotel to pitch some beers. The girl behind the bar was honestly, so stunningly gorgeous that I almost walked back out. No fucking way was I going to go up and ask her the whereabouts of the beverage manager. So like a good pussy bitch I ask the hostess, she said she would go get her, but to sit at the bar. This was at 11am, so there was no one else at the bar. Fuck. It is also only a 5 chair bar, so no hiding at the end. Fuck. I sit as far away from her as I could and tried to look busy on my phone. I was pretty much shaking. At least 3-4 minutes of silence have gone by and I feel like there is a sign on my forehead blinking “I AM SO AFRAID TO TALK TO YOU”. I can’t deal with the awkwardness, it is just mounting and mounting. So what do I do? Bring up a casual conversation about something that we have in common (ie. background in the hospitality industry)? Nope. I look at what she is doing, she is cutting lemons, and I blurt out “Those lemons look ripe”. You heard it friends, “Those lemons look ripe.” What the fuck. Somehow I combine a super lame comment with one that can also be taken as super creepy. Sweeeeet. She looks up gives an awkward smile and says “Yup”. Oh yah, by the way, I can tell by the “Yup” that she has an amazing Irish accent. Thank fucking god the beverage manager came up then. I gave a horrendous pitch, no sale was going to happen. I mutter, “Nice to meet you” and book the fuck out. I was so embarrassed by how awkward I was I didn’t step a foot back in. So obviously this was all before I decided not to be such a raging pussy. A couple weeks ago, I’m on a date (a first date) at happy hour. The date went well we made out and stuff so thats always fun. My energy and confidence were up pretty damn high so I decided to make the most it. We parted ways around 8:30 and I head to the Fitzpatrick. I walk in and there is a little Indian dude behind the bar. Shit. I go up and ask him if he knows the next time Irish is on shift. He says that she is just on break and that she will be back in 5 minutes. Score. I fill him in that I am going to try and hit on her and if she has a boyfriend and all the rest. He laughs and he says that he doesn’t think so, and that she just moved to the states about four months ago. I tell him I’m just going to sit at the bar and wait to order a drink from her. I take a seat, a few minutes later she walks in. She is so fucking hot I can’t begin to describe it. Honestly a perfect 10, holy shit. If you are curious about what I consider a perfect 10, make a trip over to the Fitzpatrick and see for yourself, fucking unreal. She comes behind the bar and I give the biggest smile I can. I said something like, “Hey, how’s your night going?” and she says “The Lemon Guy!” Fuck my life. Good start, Matt. “Eehhaha, ya that’s me. Wow, you have a really good memory.” “Me and my manager had a good laugh about it after you left, sorry.” Even better, lets get all the employees involved. “No that’s fine, I don’t know, they just looked like ripe lemons.” Kill me now. Somehow I play it off and we start a convo. It is surprisingly going well and shes laughing, a little flirting here and there, and she keeps on asking if I want another beer. (Which I didn’t because they were $9 for a fucking Sam Adams and I’m broke). I talk to her for a solid hour. Then it was that time. Oh shit. I was pretty fucking nervous. “You should give me your number and we’ll go out sometime.” She pauses for a weird amount of time and says “I don’t know my number.” Wow, did Matt just get the worst rejection response, ever. “You don’t know your number?” “Ya, I just got this American phone, wait let me see if I can figure it out.” So I was super skeptical at this point, she finally finds it and gives it to me. So I do this all the time, just so they have my number, they give me there number I hit send and say “That’s me” - but this time I called it right then so I could see if this girl just gave me a train wreck of a rejection and a fake number. But nope, it was legit. Holy fucking shit, I pulled a 10’s number. First time ever. A fucking dime. Felt amazing. I leave the bar in very very high spirits as you can imagine. Waited a day or two and sent this.
So fuck all these success stories, lets get a crash and burn. When I first started my gig, like within the first two days, I walked into the Fitzpatrick Hotel to pitch some beers. The girl behind the bar was honestly, so stunningly gorgeous that I almost walked back out. No fucking way was I going to go up and ask her the whereabouts of the beverage manager. So like a good pussy bitch I ask the hostess, she said she would go get her, but to sit at the bar. This was at 11am, so there was no one else at the bar. Fuck. It is also only a 5 chair bar, so no hiding at the end. Fuck. I sit as far away from her as I could and tried to look busy on my phone. I was pretty much shaking. At least 3-4 minutes of silence have gone by and I feel like there is a sign on my forehead blinking “I AM SO AFRAID TO TALK TO YOU”. I can’t deal with the awkwardness, it is just mounting and mounting. So what do I do? Bring up a casual conversation about something that we have in common (ie. background in the hospitality industry)? Nope. I look at what she is doing, she is cutting lemons, and I blurt out “Those lemons look ripe”. You heard it friends, “Those lemons look ripe.” What the fuck. Somehow I combine a super lame comment with one that can also be taken as super creepy. Sweeeeet. She looks up gives an awkward smile and says “Yup”. Oh yah, by the way, I can tell by the “Yup” that she has an amazing Irish accent. Thank fucking god the beverage manager came up then. I gave a horrendous pitch, no sale was going to happen. I mutter, “Nice to meet you” and book the fuck out. I was so embarrassed by how awkward I was I didn’t step a foot back in. So obviously this was all before I decided not to be such a raging pussy. A couple weeks ago, I’m on a date (a first date) at happy hour. The date went well we made out and stuff so thats always fun. My energy and confidence were up pretty damn high so I decided to make the most it. We parted ways around 8:30 and I head to the Fitzpatrick. I walk in and there is a little Indian dude behind the bar. Shit. I go up and ask him if he knows the next time Irish is on shift. He says that she is just on break and that she will be back in 5 minutes. Score. I fill him in that I am going to try and hit on her and if she has a boyfriend and all the rest. He laughs and he says that he doesn’t think so, and that she just moved to the states about four months ago. I tell him I’m just going to sit at the bar and wait to order a drink from her. I take a seat, a few minutes later she walks in. She is so fucking hot I can’t begin to describe it. Honestly a perfect 10, holy shit. If you are curious about what I consider a perfect 10, make a trip over to the Fitzpatrick and see for yourself, fucking unreal. She comes behind the bar and I give the biggest smile I can. I said something like, “Hey, how’s your night going?” and she says “The Lemon Guy!” Fuck my life. Good start, Matt. “Eehhaha, ya that’s me. Wow, you have a really good memory.” “Me and my manager had a good laugh about it after you left, sorry.” Even better, lets get all the employees involved. “No that’s fine, I don’t know, they just looked like ripe lemons.” Kill me now. Somehow I play it off and we start a convo. It is surprisingly going well and shes laughing, a little flirting here and there, and she keeps on asking if I want another beer. (Which I didn’t because they were $9 for a fucking Sam Adams and I’m broke). I talk to her for a solid hour. Then it was that time. Oh shit. I was pretty fucking nervous. “You should give me your number and we’ll go out sometime.” She pauses for a weird amount of time and says “I don’t know my number.” Wow, did Matt just get the worst rejection response, ever. “You don’t know your number?” “Ya, I just got this American phone, wait let me see if I can figure it out.” So I was super skeptical at this point, she finally finds it and gives it to me. So I do this all the time, just so they have my number, they give me there number I hit send and say “That’s me” - but this time I called it right then so I could see if this girl just gave me a train wreck of a rejection and a fake number. But nope, it was legit. Holy fucking shit, I pulled a 10’s number. First time ever. A fucking dime. Felt amazing. I leave the bar in very very high spirits as you can imagine. Waited a day or two and sent this.
So as you will see I've had ridiculous success with the whole "devilishly charming" line. Devilishly is just a fucking awesome adjective and charming works on so many levels. I think it's way better than handsome, or any other joking compliment you give yourself. I always try to set a self deprecating tone in my texts and conversation and girls seems to really appreciate it. So the strip club thing is weird. Her coworkers were taking her out to a strip club for her belated birthday. But a girl one, so that is a fantastic visual. Didn't get a text back that day, or during the day the next day and I was like "Whelp, it had to happen sometime". It would be the first girl that I got her number, but no text back. To my shock, though, she sent me this that night.
So, she completely ignored my proposal for drinks on Saturday. Fuck.
And that my friends was the last time I had contact with her. No text back, oh so sad. Something to note - nothing was going to become of it. She was 23, and acted 19. I am 29, creepy. All she talked about was going to clubs in Meatpacking, and Tenjune this and Pink Elephant that. I've never stepped foot in one of those places, pretty sure I wouldn't get pass the velvet rope. I get it, she's 23 and gorgeous, of course thats the scene she will be in to. She was also currently living in her dads living room in the Bronx until she found a place. No bueno. I think if I pushed it I probably could of gotten her to go out with me once, but my plate is so fucking full, I really just was like meh. It would of been really really awesome to see her naked though. Seriously.
Here are the initial texts with some new ones, just so no one thinks I'm full of shit. As you will see the "devilishly charming" is so fucking money. I know I don't condone lines, but I don't really consider it a line because I've already had an interaction with them. Please steal it and use it, they love it. All are slide shows.
Here are the initial texts with some new ones, just so no one thinks I'm full of shit. As you will see the "devilishly charming" is so fucking money. I know I don't condone lines, but I don't really consider it a line because I've already had an interaction with them. Please steal it and use it, they love it. All are slide shows.
The last one really peaks my interest. Shes super cute, from my area, co chair of the Redskins fan club in NYC, and works for Victoria Secret in their lingerie department. Jackpot. She's also one of the funniest girls I've ever met and super goofy fun, as you can tell by the texts. Went to FIT, so no dummy. I'm trying to go to this undisclosed lingerie show that she invited me to that they are throwing for Halloween. So awesome.
Till next time.
Till next time.
